First Call

"Because someone... offended you,... You have discontinued your opportunity to serve others and to learn and grow."     - David A. Bednar

I spent a good chunk of the last year trying to fit into a friend group, which is really weird because that's not like me at all! Anyone who knows me well, knows that I'm extremely independent. I don't ask others for help often and I work as hard as necessary to solve problems on my own. Yet, despite my independent disposition, I still seek human connection. I was hoping the people in this group would be my first call and, vice a versa. Such as the first call on a Friday night, or the first person to start a project with. Someone who is there for you when times are good and when times are bad. Someone who sees you as their first choice when in need of companionship. I wanted to be part of the action and the fun and the inside jokes. I didn't need to be the center of attention or the most popular, but I wanted to be wanted. After a few months of trying to make it work, I realized I had been left out of everything. That hurt. 

There's nothing like failure to create anger, frustration, sadness, depression, anxiety, and instability in someone's life. I let rejection hangout in the background of everything I did. It affected my job, my social life, and my health for several weeks. These feelings plagued me until I realized that I needed to let them go and forgive. Easier said than done. It took me months to move on and free myself of the insecurity I was feeling. During this time, I came upon Bednar's council that I had been passing up opportunities to serve and help others and to grow. I had been holding myself back and when I finally decided to "Let it Be," as my favorite band says, I found peace in my heart.

Recently, I found one of those opportunities to serve and I met someone who made me their first call. I remembered what it felt like to be wanted and cared about. And although it was a short-lived experience, it was a reminder that I do have value and that I am desirable and wanted.

These two experiences have taught me to be intentional about who I invest my time, energy, and money in. We can't avoid all risk. We can't pick the perfect friends or companions (I'm not sure such a thing exists), but we can be aware when we are unhappy with someone. And as painful and heartbreaking and destabilizing as that may be, we have to let go of that person or persons and forgive them if needed. Those people take up valuable space that could be held by someone who really wants you. Someone who is waiting for the chance to make you their first call.

I hope you take something away from this post and act on it. Do an inventory! Recognize those in your life that need to be let go, forgive those who have wronged you, and be grateful for the people in your life that make you their first call. Write a letter, send a text, print some photos, and remind someone that you appreciate them 🗒📬💕