"You do not truly know someone, until you fight them."
-Seraph, Matrix Reloaded
I’ve watched too many missing plane dramas recently. It probably wasn’t the right choice considering how much flying I’ll be doing in the next 24hrs. I’m not stressed though; I live every day like it’s my last. I try to not have any regrets.
I left my earbuds in Oregon. I was a little disappointed at
first, but I knew it was going to happen. Everything happens for a reason,
right? Maybe I’ll hear something miraculous now. Life not plugged in-- I watched
The Matrix Trilogy last month. I watched Inception last night. Should we question our
reality? As someone who believes in a higher power, I can’t help comparing our
mortal experience to the matrix. Is it any different?
Setting aside doubts, there was a line in The Matrix that I’ve
been reflecting on. “You do not truly know someone, until you fight them”. A fight
reveals who someone is. What they are willing to do. What they are willing to
fight for. The more I think about fighting, the more I feel like I’m fighting
with those around me. As I return to my last interaction with every important
person in my life, I find a surprising amount are conflicts. Is that how I want to
be remembered? Probably not.
Wrapping up matrix talk, it’s time to see if Europe really
exists. I’m flying to France today, Clermont-Ferrand to be specific. I did, in
fact, survive last semester. It didn’t pan out perfectly, but that’s life and I’m
not one to complain. I’ll be studying at ESC Clermont and hopefully having
some fun along the way. How many people have done exactly what I’m doing? People leave for
different reasons: unemployment, war, insecurity, love. I am fortunate to be leaving
on my own terms and of my own free will, but I feel empathy for those leaving under less-than-ideal circumstances.
I don’t doubt that I’m supposed to be here. Every moment and every experience of my entire life has led up to this moment: me, sitting in seat G49, two hours from landing in Paris. I'll mention two experiences that have led up to this moment.
#1
In 2019, I went to Argentina for 6 months and, after a world pandemic,
I ended up in Muskegon Michigan. I sent a woman a message on Facebook and found
out that she lived on the other side of the border in Quebec Canada. She was a
French teacher and a Mennonite. I told her I wanted to learn French and that I
hoped to go to France someday. She told me Quebec was closer.
#2
I had plans to start a business program at BYU this year, so
I went on my trip to South America because I thought it would be my only chance
to travel. By the time I was signed up to go to South America, my plans to
study business had fallen apart. At the same time, a friend decided to serve a church
mission in Lyon, France. It felt like a sign. One thing after another, this
trip happened. I could list 5 or 6 things that would have kept me from ending
up here, yet somehow, I made it.
But why do I WANT to be here is the question I get asked so often. It's often asked with skepticism rather than genuine curiosity, but it has caused me to try to identify my motives for this trip.
While everything fell into place this year, I can’t deny that
something has been attracting me to France for a while. I mean, my message to the French teacher is time-stamped Oct 8th, 2020. But at the same time, I’ve had a nagging
thought for the last 6 months, “I need to get out of Provo”. For a reasons unknown to me, there's something that I need to experience that Provo can't offer me. Phil Knight planned to travel the world. He bought a one-way ticket to Hawaii and his final destination, Japan, helped him start
Nike. I bought a one-way ticket to Paris. This trip will be short, only 4 months, but I hope it will lead to something incredible one day. I'll let you know when I find out what it is.
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