On Emotional Intelligence

On Emotional Intelligence

I lean toward the idea that while some people seem naturally inclined to examine their own emotions and make adjustments, others might find this process more challenging. For those who face difficulty in understanding and adapting to their emotions, support—whether from a therapist, mentor, or even a close friend—can offer valuable guidance and perspective. My own journey took around four years of active effort, and it wasn’t until after puberty, when my brain had developed further, that I could start building these skills in earnest.

Discovering the concept of emotional intelligence was transformative for me. It felt like a superpower that could solve many of the struggles I faced, and I hoped it might help others navigate their own challenges as well. Looking back, I sometimes feel a hint of frustration that this concept wasn’t emphasized sooner in my life. I initially assumed emotional intelligence wasn’t widely known or discussed; later, I realized that perhaps I just wasn’t in a position to learn it yet.

In exploring self-help resources, I was surprised at how vast the market is, yet I also noticed many people around me who didn’t seem to engage much with these principles. This made me think: maybe emotional intelligence, like other skills, depends on both exposure and readiness. I’ve come to believe that while exposure to these ideas is valuable, each person’s ability to absorb and apply them varies widely, shaped by many factors beyond our immediate control.

While I don’t work with a licensed therapist, my mother has been a strong source of emotional insight and support for me. I sometimes wonder if that support has played a bigger role in my development than I might realize, and it’s likely that no one builds emotional intelligence entirely on their own.

If I’m to truly embrace the idea that our capacity for emotional intelligence varies, then the idea of teaching it through a blog may only resonate with those ready to engage with it. Initially, I wanted to use this post to express my frustration toward people who don’t seem to grasp these ideas, but I realize now that this would be unhelpful. It's like a parent expecting a young child to understand complex ideas about cooperation and generosity; it’s natural to feel impatient, but we recognize that growth is a process that takes time.

In my experience, it can be difficult for people who feel confident in their emotional awareness to understand why others might not share that insight. The phrase “It’s so obvious!” comes to mind, but this mindset can lead to isolation if we don’t remain open to the different paths others take in their own growth. I’ve witnessed this challenge across many types of intelligence and abilities, and I see how it’s often more helpful to approach differences with patience rather than frustration.

Of course, being highly aware of emotions doesn’t make someone infallible. Even the most self-aware individuals can hold misconceptions, and sometimes they’re the hardest to change.

In reflecting on these ideas, I realize I’ve presented a somewhat binary interpretation, though in reality, emotional intelligence likely exists along a broad spectrum. I’d like to think that with the right encouragement and guidance, most people can continue to grow and become more emotionally independent. However, I also believe certain modern trends—technological and social—may be diminishing those opportunities. As I see it, a return to more intentional practices and relationships might help restore the incentives for this kind of growth.